How to know how much is Actual News

Mariner finds it difficult to ascertain actual news from ramblings, speculations and gossip on all the 24 hour news channels. He has borrowed a formula from geometry to help identify the true news content from the smoke and mirrors of news broadcasting. Where are Huntley, Brinkley and Walter Cronkite when we need them?

Normally, the formula is used to determine the radius of a true circle when only the chord length and distance from the chord to the arc are known. What is intriguing about this formula is that it is totally relative in its solution; it makes no difference what the values of the chord and arc are, a correct radius always will be defined. The formula:

Radius = 4h2 +l2

Redefining variables for our purposes,

Radius = Total News broadcast which is a constant of 100
Height = Actual News
Length = Number of Pundits

Solving for unknown height instead of unknown radius, the formula becomes:

h = r – √r2 – l2

Assume 4 pundits

h = 100 – √ (10,000 – 16)
h = 100 – √ 9984
h = 100 – 99.92
h = .08   In other words, Actual News is 8/100ths of Total News when there are 4 pundits – less than five minutes of an hour-long broadcast.

What’s important is that actual news takes so little time.

Ancient Mariner


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